Do You Recognize These Signs of Codependency?

When someone describes themselves as a “people pleaser,” a counselor’s mind jumps to codependency. Usually, as the sessions progress, it usually comes to light that these self-identifying “people pleasers” have poor boundaries with friends, family, and colleagues, thereby making them feel like they need to meet other people’s need while theirs remain unmet.

Melody Beattie, a leading researcher in the field of codependency, describes the condition in this way:

A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. – Codependent No More, 1992 ed.

Do you feel confused by that definition? This article will help explain and illustrate this definition later on.

Pia Mellody, another key researcher in the study of codependency has found that codependency makes it difficult to manage the following areas:

  • Maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem
  • Establishing healthy boundaries
  • Understanding and owning reality for yourself.
  • Self-care, meeting your own wants and needs
  • Not being overwhelmed by life

Regarding self-esteem, Mellody continues explaining, “if codependents have any kind of esteem, it is not self-esteem but other-esteem; which is based on external things” (Facing Codependence, p. 9).

A sense of satisfaction surrounding how others think we look or what others think of us isn’t necessarily wrong, but if we need their approval then we don’t have self-esteem, we have others-esteem. Maybe you are thinking, if this is what constitutes codependency, then aren’t we all codependent?

The reality is a lot of us are codependent to some degree. Technology has not helped. The invention of social media has ingrained comparison and other-esteem into the very fabric of society because social media is all about showing people what we are doing and awaiting their affirmation.

We’ve lost the art of keeping things to ourselves. As we’ve lost the ability to have a private life, we’ve lost our sense of personal worth and value assigned by God. We seek the affirmation of others, living from a place of codependency rather than a place of interdependency.

David Richo states, “In a healthy person, loyalty has its limits and unconditional love can coexist with conditional involvement. Unconditional does not, after all, mean uncritical. You can both love someone unconditionally and place conditions on your interactions to protect your own boundaries.” (How to Be an Adult, 1991, p. 58,).

What this means is that God can love us unconditionally without unconditionally condoning our actions and choices. Approving of our decisions and unconditional love are not the same thing.

Boundaries

A lot of people don’t understand boundaries. Boundaries are not things used to control other people, rather they are opportunities for us to decide how much we will participate with others, depending on the decisions they make. The goal of a boundary is to protect us, not control someone else.

In other words, it’s like when you lock your doors at night. Are you locking them to try to prevent crime and wrongdoing on the streets? Of course not. You are locking them in an attempt to prevent crime and wrongdoing in your home.

Boundaries do the same thing. They keep your sense of self safe. An alcoholic has the right to drink as much as they want to. No one else can make their choices for them.

So a boundary for someone in a relationship with an alcoholic might look like this: “You can drink whenever you want. That is your choice. However, know that if you choose to drink, I will choose to remove myself from the situation to protect myself. I know that if I remain nearby, then I will get hurt, and it is my job to protect myself.”

Some may complain this is manipulation, but that isn’t true. You are simply choosing to behave in a way that protects yourself without trying to control others.

An excellent chapter on boundaries is found in How to Be an Adult by David Richo. In the chapter, he says, “I know I have lost my boundaries and become codependent when: I don’t let go of what doesn’t work, and it feels like I cannot let go of what could possibly/hopefully work. Codependency is unconditional love for someone else that has turned against oneself.” (p. 59)

Boundaries and codependency are interlinked. Codependency is essentially not having healthy boundaries to protect yourself. Often, this stems from low-esteem because you don’t think you have the right or ability to stand up for yourself. As children, we are meant to depend on our caretakers.

As responsible adults, we should, in most circumstances, be able to take care of ourselves and, when we can’t, know when it is appropriate to ask for help. This is concerning a human dynamic. When it comes to God and us, we must recognize that he is the only person who can meet our every need on a spiritual level.

It is important to understand that being codependent doesn’t mean you are defective, bad, or hopeless. Most of the time, we learn to be codependent through our early life and family experiences. The lack of boundaries, low self-esteem, enmeshment, and other unhealthy behavior we see in ourselves were likely modeled for us at home.

The experience is only more intense for someone in a relationship with an addict. It may feel like the addiction has taken control of you and your relationship, making it feel impossible to break free from the codependency due to your love for the addict.

You may not have had a choice growing up. Codependency may have begun as a way of surviving, but we need to realize when it is damaging us and no longer helpful. If we don’t, it will remain a pervasive and unhealthy presence, preventing us from living from a healthy, confident place.

So what does it look like to have healthy boundaries?

David Richo provides an excellent summary of what they look like (see p. 59-60 in How to Be an Adult):

  • A big part of healthy boundaries is asking for what you want and going to get it. By doing so, you claim your identity and reveal it to others, creating a sense of liberation rather than isolation, bitterness, or fear.
  • Take care of yourself and receive love from God. Ask God for discernment and courage to know when a relationship has become toxic and no longer a safe place for you. Having a good support system is key for you to get helpful feedback about what is going on in your life ( therapists, friends, groups, etc).
  • Look at how other people treat you and analyze the behavior. Don’t get bogged down in the emotion and tension instead of from a place of confidence decide how you will let yourself be treated.
  • Face the fact that you may be intoxicated by unhealthy relationships, looking for love in all the wrong places. Hold a bottomline of how much pain, lying, and hurt you are willing to put up with in a relationship. Keep track of how others treat you and fight for yourself. If you don’t, no one else will.
  • As we grow up, we need to learn and understand that God is the only person we can trust fully. Human beings can and will fail us. And we can and will fail those around us. But we need to learn to trust our self, knowing we are worthy of love and not letting other people or our pain define us.

Being part of a healthy relationship means investing in other people, giving up some of our power, without our identities being diminished. We love and surrender parts of ourselves as lovers, not as powerless victims. If we live as victims at the mercy of others, we will be unable to protect ourselves and live from a place of reaction rather than self-confidence.

Common Signs of Codependency

Professionals don’t fully agree on the defining characteristics of codependency, but usually look for these key signs when determining if someone is dealing with codependency (adapted from Melody Beattie’s definition in Codependent No More):

  • Taking responsibility for other people’s thoughts, feelings, choices, or behaviors
  • Finding a sense of value in “saving” other people from their own choices
  • Doing things because you are expected to and saying yes when you really want to say no
  • Being more concerned about other people’s wants/needs instead of your own
  • Experiencing Uneasiness or guilt when someone helps you
  • Being disappointed and sad when your whole life is spent serving others, while nobody serves you
  • Finding yourself drawn to needy individuals and needy individuals being drawn to you
  • Experiencing boredom or a lack of purpose if nothing is going wrong.

Melody Beattie then describes how low self-worth typically manifests for a codependent person:

  • Tend to come from troubled, repressed, or dysfunctional families and deny this fact
  • Blame themselves for everything
  • Reject compliments
  • Feel guilty about doing something good for themselves
  • Fear rejection
  • Take things personally
  • Have been victims of emotional, sexual, physical abuse, neglect, abandonment or drug/alcohol addictions
  • Their inner-dialogue consists almost solely of negative self-talk
  • Indecisiveness
  • Help others instead of helping themselves
  • Live with a pervasive sense of hopelessness that good things will happen to them
  • Settle for being needed while believing others won’t love them

Jesus promised us a life of abundance, not a life making it through. This doesn’t mean we won’t have trouble or trials, but a Christ centered life has him a source of unconditional love, acceptance, and validation.

When we live from this place, a place of abundance, we can give love and care to others. If we live from a place of scarcity and searching for validation from other people, then we won’t have anything to give anyone.

Do you remember the famous passage where Jesus tells us to love others as we love ourself? We rarely ever talk about how that command is predicated on the idea that we already love ourselves. Some people think that we need to learn to love ourselves before we can love others, but the truth is that we already do love ourselves. Just as we feed, clothe, and nurture our own bodies, so we are to show love to others by seeing to their needs.

When we give anything, it should be done from a place of abundance, not scarcity. If we think we lack acceptance, love, etc., then it is difficult to give those things to anyone. Instead, we will always be looking to other people to fill us up with love and acceptance, which can only be found in the person and work of Jesus Christ.

If reading this article, you resonated with the signs and characteristics of codependency, resulting in depression, anxiety, and general apathy in your life, then reach out to a counselor. A trained professional can help you figure out what is at the root of your issues.

Dealing with symptoms is helpful, but can’t ultimately fix the problem. To really deal with the issues, you will need a counselor to help you process your life and story in order to develop a healthy sense of self. Reach out to us to day to start your journey of healing!

Photos:
“Needed”, Courtesy of Cristian Newman, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Warmsweaterday”, Courtesy of Anne-Marie Pronk, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Yes”, Courtesy of Chris Benson, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Fear of Abandonment”, Courtesy of Rebcenter Moscow, Pixabay.com, CC0 License

Am I in a Codependent Relationship? Signs and Solutions

When people hear the word codependency, thoughts of a clingy girlfriend or boyfriend come to mind. What most people don’t know is that there’s more at play in codependent relationships than just appearing to be excessively needy. Codependency has many layers that often go unnoticed.

This article will explain the dynamics of a codependent relationship and how to recognize the signs of a codependent.

What is a Codependent Relationship?

Before trying to understand if you are codependent, we must first define it. A codependent is someone who has toxic relationship patterns and behaviors that are emotionally destructive. Usually, a codependent empties herself or himself for an enabler who finds satisfaction in seeing the codependent person sacrifice on their behalf. Codependents want others to depend on them.

Many people struggle with codependency and the signs often go unrecognized. For codependents, their self-esteem depends on the validation of those around them. They often fall into a caretaker role and lack the ability to set firm boundaries.

Codependents can often look like heroes on the outside because they are often the professional volunteers who go above and beyond to fulfill their need for worth. They constantly find themselves doing favors for others or anticipating the needs of others to influence how others receive and react to them.

Signs of Codependency

Codependency can impact every relationship. Codependent behavior is not limited to only romantic relationships. The following traits are associated with codependency.

  • Relying heavily on others’ approval or acceptance to determine self-worth
  • Sacrificing oneself in an unhealthy way, usually stemming from a fear of being alone or unwanted
  • Repressing their own feelings or always feeling misunderstood
  • Extreme difficulty saying no or setting healthy boundaries
  • Constant anxiety about what others are saying about them
  • Unable to make decisions on their own,
  • Taking on the role of caretaker or acquiring a rescuer mentality
  • People pleasing or manipulating others into liking you
  • Difficulty identifying their own feelings apart from the other person
  • Low self-esteem
  • Obsessive fear of abandonment
  • Lost sense of self or losing oneself in others

Codependency is dynamic and these are just a few traits that a codependent might have. During sexual relations, a codependent person usually is unable to say no when something that they are uncomfortable with is going to happen to them. They choose submissiveness over speaking up for what they think or feel.

If codependency has been a lifelong battle, the person struggling with codependency could develop depression or addictive behaviors to cope with the feelings they are trying to repress. Codependents sometimes struggle to believe they can overcome their unhealthy behaviors and thoughts, but this is completely untrue. Many people who get help with their codependency are now in thriving, flourishing relationships.

Upon analysis of codependent relationships, the person who is codependent is understood to be trying to manipulate others’ feelings, thoughts and actions out of fear of abandonment.

If you lived in a home where your dad would shout and physically abuse you, then you could have a real fear when a man starts to yell at your or in your presence. Your brain can recall the sequence of events that happened in the past and that familiar fear comes rushing back in without warning.

As a way to cope, children in these situations learn how to behave to avoid abuse and control the moods of the abuser. This behavior can spill over into adulthood and fear arises when a male’s voice escalates. Subconsciously, you might be attempting to control others so you don’t end up in the same childhood situation.

Codependent behaviors often stem from childhood trauma. Children learn unhealthy ways to control their dysfunctional home environment. These coping mechanisms naturally transfer to adulthood unless worked through and taught new behaviors that create healthy relationships.

Codependency vs. Being a Good Christian: Where Do You Draw The Line?

Codependency and being a good Christian are sometimes hard to separate. Some codependent traits resemble Christian traits like the call for Christians to serve others and love their enemies. Let’s take a look at some of the verses that express this call.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. – Romans 12:10

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. – Luke 6:35

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. – 1 Peter 4:10

Each of these Scriptures is calling us to be good, sacrificial, selfless, and forgiving and it could be easy to excuse codependent tendencies as following God’s instruction. But a deeper look at the Scriptures shows that even Jesus set boundaries too. He constantly spent time away from people to pray. He wasn’t focused on pleasing people but doing what he saw his Father in Heaven doing.

In John 5:19 Jesus says, “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.”

Jesus looked to his father for love and acceptance, not to other humans. Galatians 1:10 says, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Living for people’s’ acceptance will result in constant changing beliefs and behaviors that might not be consistent with God’s call on our lives.

It’s normal to worry about the opinions of others. Of course, we should listen to the wisdom of people, but not at the expense of following God’s word. Sometimes having someone highlight our character flaws is hard to digest, especially if you are prone to enter a downward spiral after hearing constructive feedback. Christian accountability is critical to mature as Christians and to continue following God’s plan for our lives.

Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps: Melody Beattie

Melody Beattie authored a phenomenal book for those struggling with codependency. In Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps, Beattie provides practical ways to work through codependency traits and understand codependent behaviors and patterns in your life.

You are not alone in your battle with codependency. The shame you might be feeling has been experienced by many codependents who isolated themselves. This book reminds readers that codependency can be overcome and that there is hope.

Maybe you didn’t relate to all the signs of codependency mentioned earlier in this article. This book can still be a helpful resource to grow in constructing healthy boundaries and to have mutually beneficial relationships. If you want to replace your codependent behaviors with positive actions, this book is the tool to help navigate codependency.

What Should I Do Now?

The first step is always acceptance. Are you able to acknowledge that you are a codependent or at least struggle with some of the codependency traits mentioned in this article? Once you have accepted this fact, the next best step is to reach out for help navigating codependency and replacing unhealthy behaviors with God-honoring behaviors.

Deciding to look for help, can take many forms. You could talk to a professional Christian counselor, talk to a close friend or mentor, join a recovery group like Codependents Anonymous or Celebrate Recovery, and educate yourself with professional resources designed for codependents.

A counselor that specializes in codependency, offers expert input and has helped a host of others that struggle with codependency. A codependency counselor knows how to navigate through codependency behaviors while encouraging your growth.

Change is never easy and rewiring your brain to respond differently in relational situations will be challenging. Don’t expect change to happen overnight. There’s a high probability you have engaged in codependent behaviors for an extended period of time.

When you begin to set firm boundaries, those that relied on the codependent version of yourself could be resistant to the changes you are making. They are accustomed to you bending over backward and going the extra mile for them whenever asked. This can cause some conflict or tension in relationships that you should be prepared for.

Enlisting the proper support and accountability will help you remain strong during your season of growth. If you isolate yourself, it’s easy to give up or move backward instead of forward. There is strength in numbers. Take the time to find a recovery group or accountability partner that you can trust to be truthful and loving.

If you find yourself battling codependency, please reach out to a counselor. You do not have to walk this road alone anymore. God has designed us to have mutually beneficial relationships with healthy boundaries.

Photos:
“Seesaw Crossing”, Courtesy of Rachaelvorrhees, Flickr.com; CC BY 2.0 License; “Sad Woman”, Courtesy of Vansterpartiet Bildbank, Flickr.com, CC BY 2.0 License; “Turn to God,” courtesy of unsplash.com, pixabay.com, CC0 Public Domain License; “Green spaces,” courtesy of jean_mingmo, Flickr Creative Commons, CC0 License

Do Codependent Relationships Exist in the Church?

Codependents are people that come to the rescue time and time again. This could look like saving a drug-addicted child from his toxic choices or entering into a caretaking relationship despite the cost. Maybe it sounds good in writing, but codependency creates unhealthy relationship patterns.

The term “codependency” has been around for decades and traditionally refers to the adjustment that a family member would make in their life to accommodate the addict’s dependency on substances.

Codependents are magnetically drawn to people who are constantly in crisis. They find purpose in pouring themselves out through extreme self-sacrifice, neglecting their well being to serve others.

Codependent Relationships in the Church

Codependents will go to great lengths to be the hero. When codependents place other people’s welfare before their own, they can lose touch with their own needs and identity.

Getting lost in service to another sounds like what an obedient Christ follower should do, but even Jesus gave us a different example. If Jesus recognized and implemented boundaries in his ministry, what makes today’s Christians think they should operate differently?

He went around healing the sick, giving sight to the blind and preaching about the Kingdom. The needs that would need to be met were unending, yet he gave us a perfect example. Luke 5:15-16 tells us, “Yet the news about him spread all the more so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses.

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Even in his days of serving the needs of a community, he didn’t lose sight of the need to spend time in prayer and solitude.

Relying on the Holy Spirit instead of the Flesh

A codependent is addicted to control as much as an addict is addicted to a substance. Codependents interfere with the growth of addicts by not allowing them to face consequences. The codependent person’s emotional state is influenced by how well the other person listens to their advice.

The Bible provides a principle that can’t be avoided, “A man reaps what he sows.” It’s hard for a man to reap what he sows when another person is constantly rescuing him from negative outcomes.

A good way to gauge if you are helping people in a constructive way is to ask the question, “Am I trying to be their bread (strength) or just trying to show them where to get some?” A good follow-up question might be, “Now that I have shown them, are they taking steps to feed themselves or are they depending on me?”

Every Christian is responsible for working out their own salvation. We may want people to follow our advice, heed our instructions and avoid painful situations, but growth is hindered when a person relies on someone else for all the answers and not on God. What happens when that man is removed?

If that person wasn’t clinging to God, his world will crumble. Christians must learn to seek God’s direction in prayer and search Scripture for answers. This creates a mature, strong Christian that doesn’t rely on being fed by man to be alive in Christ.

In church, it’s easy for young followers to become enamored with more mature followers. To prevent any type of codependent relationship from forming, lend a listening ear and instead of giving answers you can ask questions like, “How does this passage of Scripture speak to you?”

The goal of a healthy spiritual relationship in the church is to encourage, empower and equip each other to constantly grow in Christ. Codependent relationships can rob people from experiences that they need to go through to learn how to depend on God.

Motives of the Codependent

We live in a fallen world. One result of living in a fallen world is growing up in broken homes. All families have some form of dysfunction, meaning not all our love needs are being met when we are adolescents.

Individuals who are more prone to codependent relationships are often looking for a reliable way to gain a sense of value that was lacking during childhood.

Often, the church environment creates the perfect place to prove your worth. The more you serve, the more visibility and recognition that’s given. Codependents thrive when they know they are needed and praised for always being present.

Only the codependent truly knows if they are doing good deeds out of the overflow of God’s love in their heart or secretly wanting to secure a feeling of worthiness from those around them. Performance-based love can become completely ingrained in a codependent person to the point that when she experiences “unearned” love it feels almost foreign and uncomfortable.

Interdependency is the answer

Codependent relationships run counter to true abiding in God’s unconditional love. It is an effort to control what others think or feel about us through rigorous engagement in socially acceptable “church” behaviors. Creating a church culture of interdependency begins by taking our focus off ourselves and placing our focus on Jesus.

Jesus often asked his followers and crowds questions. He pushed them to use their minds to think for themselves. The people left empowered instead of Jesus dictating their next move. When we try to make other people like “God” in our life it has devastating effects.

Being helpful is natural. Serving is the hallmark of a Christ follower. Even Jesus came not to be served, but to serve. He humbled himself to the point of death on a cross. But a Christian must constantly point back to God, not to herself. People must put their hope in Jesus.

The one person who never fails forgets or breaks His promises. Putting our hope in anything or anyone else will only end in disappointment and dismay. Interdependency in the church means we help each other daily to deepen our dependence on God and strengthen the church body as a result.

Photos

“Seesaw Crossing”, Courtesy of Rachaelvorrhees, Flickr.com;CC BY 2.0 License; “Help,” courtesy of Cristian Newman, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Face-off”, Courtesy of Silvia and Frank, Pixabay.com; CC0 License; “Lean on me,” courtesy of Rosie Ann, peels.com, CC0 License

Effective Methods to Treat Symptoms of Codependency

Author Charles L. Whitfield states in his book, Codependence: Healing the Human Condition, that codependence is a “disease of lost selfhood.” When people try to become what others want them to be, they lose their personal identity and goals. It is this handing over of personal responsibility for themselves to somebody else that causes them to be defined as codependent.

This inability to feel complete as themselves requires codependents to find completeness elsewhere. Whitfield describes it as an “addiction” since people are looking outside themselves to find fulfillment and happiness, similar to other addictions like alcohol, drug, or sexual addiction.

Other sources define codependence as a dysfunctional relationship where one person may be supporting another’s addiction (e.g. alcohol, drugs, gambling) or undesirable traits such as immaturity, irresponsibility, poor mental health, or even underachievement.

Alarmingly, studies have shown that codependence can be passed from generation to generation as the ability to relate to one another is learned in the family. For example, it is quite common in families struggling with an addiction, such as alcoholism, for one of the members to deny the problem and instead sacrifice him or herself for the addicted relative, especially if the addicted one is a parent.

This self-sacrificing member becomes more attuned to the needs of the addicted relative and eventually begins to define themselves according to the requirement of the situation.

So rather than becoming who they would like to be, they change their habits and plans according to the relative’s needs. It may seem like a noble sacrifice, but in many cases, it is not. The result may be an adult who has difficulty expressing emotions and one who is not in touch with who they truly are.

The Symptoms of Codependency

There are many symptoms of codependency. In the books Codependent No more and Facing Codependence, author Pia Mellody lists several signs to watch out for.

Anger

Codependents usually feel afraid and wounded which leads to frequent anger. They tend to live with people of the same sentiments creating a vicious cycle. Codependents frequently cry, become depressed, overreact, easily get sick, and are prone to unhealthy temper outbursts. They try to punish people for making them feel angry.

Caretaking

Codependents have a driving need to take care of others. They want to help solve the other person’s problem by making things right, easing their feelings, or guiding their thoughts or actions.

So they are much more comfortable around people with needs yet feel quite uneasy when people try to help them instead. Codependents are often overburdened with demands from others but willingly forego their personal plans to be of assistance. Boredom often sets in for them when there is no crisis to prevent or problem to fix.

Controlling

Codependents like to be in control since they have experienced difficulties with people who were out of control (e.g. a violent alcoholic parent or an incessant gambler who lost the family’s money). Control is maintained through manipulation, threats, seeming helplessness, or by guilt. In the end, however, the codependent may feel manipulated and controlled as well.

Denial

Codependents often pretend that everything is manageable, that the situation is not as terrible as others may believe. Such people often depend upon prescriptive tranquilizers or other such drugs to help them. They may also enmesh themselves in work to stay busy; spend compulsively for a temporary happy feeling; or overeat to make themselves feel satisfied. They may wonder why they feel crazy at times.

Dependency

Codependents cannot find internal peace and search for it outside themselves since they often feel incapable of self-care. Many believe that they cannot be truly appreciated or properly loved by others. Some stay in abusive relationships because they believe it is the best that they can ever receive.

Lack of trust

Codependents do not trust themselves nor do they trust others. Sadly, they believe that God has abandoned them, possibly in favor of someone else.

Low self-worth

Codependents do not respect themselves. They believe they are not worthy or that they are not good enough. They usually blame themselves and believe that the good things in life are meant for other people. Though they also long for praise, when they do receive it they reject it, believing that they do not deserve it.

Obsession

Codependents are worrywarts. They are anxious about the problems of others, focusing all their attention and abilities on somebody else’s concerns.

Poor communicators

Codependents rarely know how to communicate well. Instead, they may intimidate, beg, or blame other people. They usually hide the truth and their feelings and have difficulty saying “no.” Gossip is something they may do as well as it is about other people and not themselves.

Repression

Codependents are inflexible and controlled. They are usually embarrassed to be their real selves for fear of the judgment of others.

Sex problems

Codependents believe sex equates to love. So even if they do not wish it, they will engage in it just to feel loved by their partner or to make their partner feel loved. When they are upset with their partner and wish to withdraw, they often abstain from sex and may even be disgusted by the idea of it. Thus, sex becomes a tool for them – something they do, but do not necessarily always enjoy.

Weak boundaries

Codependents have a hard time establishing healthy relationship boundaries. Others regularly violate their boundaries since they cannot say “no”. Though they may make such rules more flexible to tolerate the needs of others, this may also cause them to become angry or intolerant.

Codependency is unhealthy, especially if the home or work environment is particularly harmful. Physical sickness, mental disorders, broken relationships, dangerous addictions, and even suicidal tendencies may eventually.

If you believe that you or someone you care about has been described in this article, then it is important to seek help. A licensed mental health counselor can help overcome the situation before it is too late.

Photos:
“Yet More Balance” Courtesy of Murray Barnes, Flickr.com; CC BY 2.0 License; “Angry Man,” courtesy of pixabay.com, pexels.com, CC0 Public Domain License; “Face-off”, Courtesy of Silvia and Frank, Pixabay.com; CC0 License; “Worry”, Courtesy of Maria Victoria Heredia Reyes, Unsplash.com, CC0 License