Infidelity and Affairs
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In the meantime, here are some Frequently Asked Questions about marital infidelity:
I just found out my spouse is having an affair. What should I do?
When you’re reeling from betrayal, it’s hard to think clearly. Discovering your spouse’s infidelity can devastate and even traumatize you. When your partner cheats, they betray you not only physically, but emotionally, destroying any trust in your relationship. It’s imperative that you care for yourself during the emotional fallout. Allow yourself to fully address what has happened. Reach out to a friend, mentor, or a Christian counselor.
At San Diego Christian Counseling, our counselors can help you process your emotional pain while supporting you in making wise decisions in the aftermath. Christian counseling can guide you as you respond during this painful time.
All it takes is a phone call. You can make your initial risk-free appointment by calling 619-332-4448. You can also look through our directory of Christian counselors online. Talking to someone about your spouse’s betrayal can be difficult but healing at the same time. Our Christian counselors are compassionate and experienced with sensitive topics. You will be able to talk about what you’re going through at your own pace and comfort level.
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Is marriage recovery possible after infidelity?
Yes. Many couples have healed from infidelity and gone on to have an even stronger marriage. San Diego Christian Counseling offers both individual and couples counseling for affairs. When both spouses are committed to recovery, it is possible to heal the marriage and restore broken trust. There is hope for your marriage, even after infidelity.
While there is hope, recovering from an affair takes a great deal of effort and perseverance. Having someone there to walk with you through the process can make the difference between succeeding and giving up. We hope that our Christian counselors can provide the support you need on your journey of restoring your marriage.
How long does it take to find a new normal after an affair?
The length of time it will take for you and your partner to recover and regain trust after the affair will vary for each couple. The most important thing is that you’re both committed to rebuilding your relationship as you learn to love each other again. Through Christian counseling for infidelity recovery in San Diego, you and your spouse can build a stronger foundation for your marriage, heal wounds from the past, and walk in grace for your future.
It’s vital to maintain your mental, physical, and emotional health throughout the process of affair recovery. Individual counseling can provide a setting for you to work through wounds from your past, painful experiences from childhood, or any other issues that may affect your marriage now and in the future. Couples counseling provides a place for you to work through issues more specific to your marriage, the affair, and recovery.
My spouse is asking for forgiveness after having an affair. Should I forgive? What if I don’t think I can forgive right now? What if they’re not being sincere? What if they go back to their old ways?
Forgiveness and trust are two related, but separate, concepts. By forgiving a repentant spouse, you will be demonstrating God’s grace to them, but this doesn’t mean it will be easy or you will feel like forgiving them.
It often takes a lot of time. And forgiving your spouse doesn’t mean the relationship will be immediately restored. Trust will have to be rebuilt, and your spouse will have to prove that they have changed and are willing to do what it takes to restore the marriage.
Christian counseling for affair recovery can help you make these distinctions. At San Diego Christian Counseling, we are committed to helping you find authentic, holistic healing for your marriage, rather than giving easy answers.
What are some of the warning signs that my spouse might be having an emotional affair?
An emotional affair offers a substitute for the emotional connection that should characterize a marriage. Instead of enjoying companionship with their partner, a spouse who’s having an emotional affair will gradually disengage and become more interested in another person.
If your spouse is unusually distant, unkind, and lacking affection and intentionality in the marriage, these factors don’t necessarily indicate an emotional affair – but they’re usually present at some level if there is one.
If you are comfortable enough to ask your spouse some questions about their behavior, you might be able to find out more. Attending Christian couples counseling can help you re-engage as a couple and set healthy boundaries for your relationship.
I think I’m having an emotional affair. What should I do?
When you’ve identified an inappropriate emotional connection to someone other than your spouse, you might feel guilt, shame, or even panic. Extramarital relationships usually develop gradually, and even subconsciously for a time. Their seeming innocence allows them to continue unchecked until they cross the line from platonic to emotionally involved.
If you know you’ve crossed this line, talk to someone today. Sin hides in the darkness, but light brings freedom, no matter how painful exposure may feel at the time. If you can talk to your spouse, start there.
A Christian friend or your pastor might be another good resource. Talking to one of our counselors at San Diego Christian Counseling might be your first step towards renewing your commitment to your marriage and stopping a downward spiral of compromise.
How can Christian counseling for infidelity recovery help my marriage?
Recovering from infidelity is never easy. It’s a long – and at times excruciating – process, but it’s worth it. However, it’s very difficult to save a marriage after adultery if you’re trying to do it on your own.
For true healing to happen, both spouses need to fully process the affair. The betrayed spouse will have to work through the process of forgiveness, and the offending spouse has to rebuild the trust that was broken. This takes time, accountability, and hard work.
San Diego Christian Counseling provides a context for you and/or your spouse to work through these issues in a protected, biblically sound, professional setting. A Christian counselor can help to moderate discussion, guide you as you address what led to the affair, and create a safe space for each person to express their emotions and experiences.
When you seek Christian counseling for affair recovery, you’ll find truth and grace. The truth is that adultery is wrong and destructive, but it doesn’t stop there – God’s immeasurable grace is available for you today. He has the power to restore your marriage, even from the most broken places.
What if my spouse isn’t interested in counseling?
Whether you are the betrayed spouse or the offending spouse, you can benefit from Christian counseling for affair recovery, even if your partner doesn’t want to participate.
As the betrayed spouse, individual Christian counseling can help you navigate your emotional pain and decisions that have to be made in the aftermath of the affair. Processing these painful emotions at the outset will help you release the physical, mental, and emotional stress of betrayal, leading to greater mental and physical health down the road. No matter what happens to your marriage, you can thrive, and San Diego Christian Counseling can help you take the first steps toward healing.
As the offending spouse, you might feel as if you are beyond hope, but if you are looking for help, you’ve already taken the first step in the right direction. There is grace for you. Affairs can have addictive qualities, so you might feel trapped even though you know what you’re doing is wrong.
Or you might have already ended the affair and are desperate for a way to save your marriage. No matter what your situation is, Christian counseling can help you find peace and freedom, even in the aftermath of sinful choices.
Should I stay in my marriage after an affair?
This is one of the most painful issues to confront after your spouse has been unfaithful: can your marriage be saved? Should it be saved? At San Diego Christian Counseling, we believe there is great hope for infidelity recovery, and we also recognize that not all marriages are meant to continue after an affair. We will help you explore questions related to affair recovery, such as:
- Can my spouse be trusted?
- How can I forgive my spouse when I am so hurt?
- If I forgive my spouse, does that mean I have to reconcile with them?
- Should I stay for my children’s sake?
- What boundaries should we have if we choose to restore our marriage?
Exploring these issues fully will help you to make a well-informed decision about the future of your marriage. It’s difficult to do this alone. A Christian counselor can help you resolve those questions and make peace with your future.
How long will we need counseling?
Again, the answer will vary depending on your individual situation, the level of participation of each spouse, and other mitigating factors. Your personal preference can dictate how long you continue coming to counseling. You may want to set up periodic visits even after you’ve reached the point where you feel your marriage has recovered from infidelity.
Christian counseling can not only help your marriage recover from an affair, but it can also help you maintain boundaries, intimacy, and accountability in your relationship over time. Many couples find that counseling can be a good “check-in” point to continue staying on top of the health of their marriage, long after they’ve resolved the issues involved with infidelity.
Get Connected With a Christian Counselor
Contact Kelsey at reception