If you struggle with the frequent realization, “I am angry” and you’re looking for faith-based anger management therapy in San Diego, California, we can help.

There are moments in life when it feels like you’ve been thrust into a corner, and you have limited options for response. When someone cuts you off in traffic, putting you and your family in danger, or when you have to tell your child to shape up for the umpteenth time, or when a colleague makes a joke at your expense one too many times, the natural response and feeling of anger that wants to erupt in that moment feels inevitable.

Situations such as these may be common in your life, or perhaps you feel angry, with your blood pressure remaining high, over what may be called smaller things. While feelings of anger may be powerful, and even though it’s easy to feel justified to let loose on people who anger you, uncontrolled anger can take a huge toll on your life and well-being. It can severely damage you as well as your relationships with other people.

Since anger is such a potent force, knowing how to control that anger and deal with it appropriately is such an important skill. One of the places to begin is by understanding your own anger, beginning to recognize the damage that uncontrolled anger is doing in your life, and building the appropriate tools and skills to cope well with anger. San Diego Christian Counseling can provide guidance and support as you work through these steps.

Places Your Anger May Emerge From

Anger is a powerful emotion of displeasure that arises in situations when things are or have already gone awry. When you become angry, you typically do so in response to a situation you find yourself in that stirs up those feelings. In other words, your anger is doing you the valuable service of alerting you to something happening in your world that needs to be attended to.

There are several reasons why you could get angry. There are various sources of anger, and they include feelings of frustration that result from being prevented or somehow thwarted in your attempt at accomplishing a cherished goal. That goal could be more time with your kids, getting a new promotion at work, not getting caught up in traffic, or running an errand as quickly and smoothly as possible.

Another reason you might get angry is because of experiencing physical or emotional harm from another person. If someone breaks up with you or puts their hands on you or insults you, that could lead to anger. Yet another possible source of anger is when you or someone you care about experiences injustice. Perceived or real inequality and unfairness can stir up fierce anger.

Anger may also result from feeling threatened or uncertain about the future. Not knowing what is to come can be deeply unsettling, and one possible response to that is anger. Lastly, one of the ways that unresolved emotional wounds or traumatic experiences manifest is through anger. This anger can erupt unpredictably and toward an innocent person who may have nothing to do with the initial harm.

There are many possible causes of your anger at a given moment. One of the ways to get to the bottom of it is to become more self-aware. Asking basic but important questions like “What’s been bugging me lately?”, or “Is there a person, specific event, underlying emotion, or situation that seems to be at the root of my anger?” can help you get to the bottom of things.

Anger can be a challenging emotion because it can also mask other emotions. Fear was already highlighted, but feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment can also be masked by anger. Additionally, anger may also be a symptom of something else, like depression or bipolar disorder. This makes it vital to see a professional for help to get to the bottom of your anger.

Is your anger an issue?

At what point does your anger become a problem? Anger can be a ubiquitous emotion, and it comes in many shades. Anger can manifest itself as an annoyance or irritation with someone, but it can also be a blinding rage. Some people would say of themselves that they never get angry, but on closer inspection what they mean is that they don’t act in aggressive ways, but perhaps they do get sarcastic, which is an unhealthy expression of anger.

Your anger is a problem if you’re afraid of it, if it’s a consistent feature in your life, if you don’t know how to express it directly and without causing harm to yourself or others, and if there is evidence of relational detritus in your life that is linked directly to your anger. Our emotions are helpful tools, but they can make for terrible masters. If your anger directs or dictates how you act and respond to people, that’s a cause for concern.

Anger may be an issue in your life even when you’re not aggressive or violent in any recognizable way. Anger can be directed outward toward other people, as we see often in road rage incidents or public brawls. However, anger can also be directed outward in passive-aggressive ways, through sarcasm, procrastinating, sulking, giving the silent treatment to people you’re angry at, and so on.

A person’s anger may also be directed inward. Check your internal dialogue, particularly when you make an embarrassing mistake. How you speak to yourself says volumes. A person who would never dream of uttering invective to another person may be perfectly at ease directing insults at themselves. Those other people are made in God’s image, but so are you. Just as you respect them, treat yourself with dignity too.

Coping Skills for Anger Management

When you feel angry, and if that anger feels overwhelming or in control of how you act, you must bring it under control. There are several effective coping skills you can use to get anger in hand. Try these, keeping in mind that what could work for one person may not work for another. A combination of these skills can help you bring your anger under control.

Some coping skills you can make use of to cope with your anger include:

Take a pause You do not have to say everything that comes to mind, especially when you’re angry. Words spoken in anger are usually something you later regret. Pause, collect your thoughts, really listen to what the other person is saying, and do all this before saying anything. Only express your concerns when you’re calm, and do so in a clear, direct, assertive, non-confrontational, and non-manipulative way.

Breathe As you take a pause, deep breathing helps to calm your nervous system which your anger placed on high alert. Take slow, deliberate breaths to help yourself calm down enough to think clearly. You can also make use of progressive muscle relaxation techniques to release the physical tension anger puts your body under. When you feel like you’re not under attack, you can respond more congenially.

Get some exercise Some people, when they take time to pause from a heated conversation like to go for a brisk walk or something else to calm themselves and get rid of pent-up energy. Exercise is great for releasing tension in the moment, as well as helping you relieve stress and elevate your mood regularly.

Along with exercise, other aspects of self-care are equally important in handling anger well. When you sleep well, you boost your ability to handle your own emotions, and when you eat regular healthy meals that promote emotional and mental health, you’re also doing yourself a favor. Hunger is one of the states that leave you feeling slightly on edge and more likely to take provocation seriously.

Seek solutions In a given situation, it’s better to pursue creative solutions to problems to resolve feelings of anger. Your anger may draw you to seek solutions to issues, and you can use that energy to find workarounds. If your colleague is late for meetings, perhaps readjust your expectations, reschedule the meeting, or consider if the meeting is even necessary.

You can also seek solutions by adjusting your communication. Instead of blaming the other person or making blanket statements, describe the issue with “I” statements, as these avoid putting the other person on the defensive.

Forgive Forgiveness is important in all our relationships (Matthew 6:12-15, Colossians 3:13). Don’t hold a grudge against others, as that can prime you to respond in anger toward them. See their humanity and need for forgiveness, just as you need it. In some instances, you can also use humor to laugh at yourself, see your own unrealistic expectations of others, and more easily face whatever is angering you.

Anger Management Therapy in San Diego

Pursue anger management therapy in San Diego Controlling anger isn’t always easy, and when anger is out of control, having an independent third-party weigh-in can be a huge help. A mental health professional at San Diego Christian Counseling can help you better understand your anger, and they can help you develop tools to deal with anger, whether that’s journaling, better communication, or other ways to express anger well.

If your anger is leading you to hurt yourself or others around you, seek help from a Christian counselor in San Diego today. To get started with anger management therapy in San Diego, contact our reception team by calling the number at the top of this page or filling out an online contact form to schedule an appointment.