There is a lot of information available on attachment psychology, and the extensive impact that attachment styles have on relationships. A child that has been raised by a caregiver who offers a safe base and consistency, together with room for the child to explore the world, will likely develop a secure attachment style, that enables them to relate to themselves and to others in a healthy, balanced way.

This is known as a healthy attachment style and means that the individual can express their emotions freely and receive and properly give comfort. They feel connected to others, safe in their identity, and supported by others.

In addition to this, there are three types of attachment styles. They include:

Preoccupied attachment

This style is characterized by neediness and dependence in relationships. The person with a preoccupied attachment style has a desire for intimacy that results in them being demanding toward partners and in friendships. When children display a preoccupied attachment style, it is known as the anxious attachment style.

Dismissive attachment

This attachment style manifests in the person appearing self-sufficient and detached. They are highly independent and do not seem interested in close relationships. In children, it is called the avoidant attachment style.

Fearful attachment

In fearful attachment, people in relationships may act unpredictably, as they crave intimacy and yet at the same time are deeply fearful of it. There is an internal conflict that is evident, and in children, it is known as the disorganized attachment style.

Help for different types of attachment styles

If a person can recognize the attachment style that they find themselves in because of childhood circumstances and experiences, and desire to break free from unhelpful patterns, it is possible to work through these deeply rooted issues and emerge with a more secure attachment style. As one’s attachment style becomes such an embedded part of who a person is, it is advisable to walk this journey alongside a trained biblical counselor.

They will be able to guide you through re-living and feeling your childhood pain while trying to make sense of it. You will create a narrative around your past to better understand it, and to perceive how it impacts your current relationships.

For the Christian, there is no circumstance that God cannot work for the good and no childhood hurt that cannot be healed through the power of the Holy Spirit. Here on earth most of us are subject to imperfect parenting and are imperfect parents ourselves. By realizing that our parents were sinners just like us, we can take steps toward forgiving them, and then go on to re-develop secure attachment.

We can be secure in the knowledge that we have a good and perfect Father in heaven, who loves us regardless of our different types of attachment styles, and who meets all our needs before we even know them.

This is a valuable counseling journey to embark on, given the fact that, left unchecked, we will be likely to pass on the attachment style that we developed to our children. This can easily become a generational pattern, leading to a legacy of broken and unfulfilling relationships, along with lives marked by low self-esteem.

“Blue Flowers”, Courtesy of Laura Adai,, Unsplash+ License; “Blue Flowers”, Courtesy of Laura Adai,, Unsplash+ License


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