Watch Out for Wolves: Mobilizing Faith Friends for Dating Accountability and Support

The Lord wants us to thrive in every season and kind of relationship. He designed us for the kind of fellowship and connection with Him that transforms, causing us to long for God and what He wants above anything else. Yet, dating relationships are part of what complements our fellowship with the Lord.

We love Him, whom we’ve never seen, but the degree to which we model and express that with other people is an extension of love for the One who loved us first (1 John 4:20). The desire for a deeper connection with a man or woman is part of how God created us. He put the desire in us to follow and fulfill His first commands to humanity to multiply their fruitfulness and establish godly authority on earth (Genesis 1:28).

The enemy contends against us concerning relationships and issues of the heart. Having studied our behavior patterns and eavesdropped on our conversations, he masquerades as an angel of light, presenting evil under the guise of good. He has presented a common scenario in which many of us have encountered someone who seemed to complete the list of all we wanted in a partner.

Our mutual physical attraction combined with their personality traits, ignited a genuine sense of chemistry, connection, and compatibility. The rest seemed to be a match created in the heavens. Yet, what blossomed as a dream exploded into a nightmare from the pit.

A spark intrigues us enough to pursue dating relationships with potential spouses. Although more is required to sustain a lifelong covenant, God is the original matchmaker, who created us with the potential to magnetize. He works through internal and external factors to activate attraction.

We bond as we experience friendship, dating, and courtship in a dance, of sorts. As we form deeper connections that may likely culminate in marriage, we need to mobilize our faith friends for dating accountability and support with watching out for wolves among sheep.

Connection is protection in dating

Connected relationships protect our hearts from unnecessary harm, a principle often emphasized by Christian Counselors. People who love us have a vested interest in our well-being. When their spiritual senses are activated, they can support us by detecting and discerning misguided motives in potential partners.

When we are starry-eyed over a new relationship, we can be like sheep among wolves (Matthew 10:16). Although Jesus was not necessarily referring to dating scenes and sites when He used that metaphor, it follows that we need our eyes enlightened with wisdom before we unveil our hearts.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. – Ephesians 1:17, NIV

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints. – Ephesians 1:18, NASB2020

We don’t have to avoid interacting with people in situations that make our hearts feel vulnerable, but rather remain aware of our surroundings and embrace practical insight without inflicting or internalizing harm. Sometimes, our zeal in a developing relationship clouds our vision.

We may breeze past signals that caution us to slow or stop. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit positions people in our fellowship community who often see what we cannot, and stand ready to share wise strategies for engagement.

Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. – Matthew 10:16, ESV

When we open our hearts to a potential partner, we may become susceptible to temptation that distracts our focus on God. Without the safeguards of an accountable community, we unwittingly drop our guard and muddle our boundaries. Those with whom we are in close fellowship help to preserve our character and protect the value God placed inside.

Friends in our faith circles nurture godly testimony and a reputation that the enemy would otherwise want to destroy. It doesn’t happen overnight, but separating from the community while dating, subtly leeches what’s needed to walk in purity.

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. – James 1:14, ESV

Community service

Having a faith community can help to reduce our blind spots. Cultivating active relationships with other believers develops us in ways that are not possible on our own. We aren’t always able to see where and how to adjust. Having safe spaces in which to be honest, yet compassionate, is an important part of growing in fellowship with those who will speak God’s truth while doing it from a place of love.

These faith family and friends may point out areas in our mindsets and/or behaviors that could be damaging our interpersonal connections with others, and as a result, impeding the vibrancy of our purposeful connections and romantic interests.

But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, that is, Christ. – Ephesians 4:15, NASB2020

Fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ helps us to recognize where we need to adapt and grow. Refining areas that require change is as important in our unmarried season as are other parts of preparation for marriage and general importance in life.

Our habits or behavior patterns affect our ability to bond and remain connected well with the significant others who would complement our lives. If we have unresolved pain or trauma that we haven’t addressed, it will eventually surface and trigger us when we encounter duress. If it isn’t now, it will certainly happen later.

Collective sanctuary in dating

Being in a relationship will stretch and test us in the most intimate spaces of our souls. Community offers us sanctuary as we work through relational challenges and negative patterns, in fellowship with male and female, single and married believers. This enables us to apply, in real time, what we discover about God, ourselves, and a diverse collection of brothers and sisters.

While the mirror of solid godly relationships enhances spiritual maturity, practically, they equip us to attract and engage potential friends and quality dating candidates. If we can work on necessary areas while single, with the support of our friends, we proactively strengthen our marriages and the communities who will champion them before we take lifelong vows.

Sometimes the truth our friends tell us about a potential partner or ourselves may be difficult to embrace initially. People who genuinely care for us will not endorse behaviors that may eventually sabotage us or possibly wound potential partners.

Of course, a close community may present opportunities to become offended. That is an essential risk we take in following God’s design for life as members of one body. Yet, the value of vulnerability within our circle is greater than what we stand to lose without them.

Sometimes, we hesitate to open ourselves to others out of pain, especially if we have wrestled with wounds from rejection and abandonment in sensitive parts of our pasts. An unhealed heart that struggles to process difficult emotions and experiences is often suspicious of receiving the pleasant.

Part of learning how to be present in a relationship includes opening our heart spaces enough to be authentic, vulnerable, and transparent as we heal, grow, and change. When we model it with our community of friends, we learn how to transmit that to significant others. Intentionally establishing a new pattern trains us to embrace the risks that accompany openness while reaping the rewards of satisfying emotional connection.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. – Proverbs 27:6, NIV

Next steps

Venturing into a new relationship or the arena where relationships are cultivated can be slightly unnerving, but you never walk it alone. Talk with the Lord and those in your faith community. Any time that you are exploring unusual emotional territory, it helps to have the support and empathy of a Christian Counselor. Locate someone through San Diego Christian Counseling and reach out today. Maybe it’s now time to sort your heart and soar into new adventures.