The Bible recognizes the importance of marriage. In the Bible, it is the first human relationship described. In the New Testament, Jesus, our Lord and Savior, affirmed marriage as one man and one woman becoming one flesh. Christ’s married followers were encouraged to love their spouses as they love themselves and to submit to one another out of reverence to him.
Knowing this, it is important that everyone who enters into this sacred union is aware of what they are getting into. It is an exciting step but one with many responsibilities.
Essential Premarital Counseling Questions
This article presents some vital premarital counseling questions to answer before making that lifelong commitment.
Such premarital counseling questions are often raised in session to ensure that the engaged couple is truly prepared for life together. Before tackling such questions, consider reading the accompanying Scriptures to prepare you spiritually for discernment.
Has God Called You to Marriage?
(1 Corinthians 7:17)
Marriage life is not meant for everybody. In marriage, personal privileges may be lost, responsibilities are multiplied, and there is an increase in personal and relational boundaries.
Given these, have you sensed the calling to this life-long vow? Are you willing and able to become one with your partner – physically, emotionally, and spiritually? Can you sacrifice personal habits and preferences for his or her sake? Is your view of your future together something positive?
Are the Two of You Truly Compatible?
Life together under one roof is very different to just seeing one another a few days a week. It is during marriage that the “real” self is fully revealed as the good and bad sides are seen daily.
Do your personalities really complement one another? Are you able to laugh together and at one another? Do you feel secure in fully revealing your inner self – the good and bad, the hopes and fears – to your partner? Are you attracted to one another physically? Do you feel fully accepted by your partner? Do you fully accept him or her? What makes you say that life together will be better than life apart?
What Past Baggage are You Both Bringing In?
Who we are now has been affected by what has happened to us in the past. Emotional setbacks and disappointments, personal tragedies, vices and other habits can take a toll on us. If such things have not been properly dealt with through authentic repentance and emotional and spiritual healing, it is possible for them to return to haunt us.
To what degree are you still affected by your past failures, losses, fears and unrealized dreams? Does your partner know of these past struggles and how they affect you now? Are you aware of your partner’s past setbacks, worries, and tragedies? Have these been overcome or is he or she still trapped in the past? How well do you know your partner’s family background?
How is Your Communication?
(James 1:19-20 and Ephesians 4:26)
In a healthy relationship, communication is very important as people cannot read minds. When communication is clear, conflicts can be resolved and goals can be attained. Without such, then much suffering and hurt may take place.
Do you communicate regularly and openly? Can you easily understand one another? Are you both able to open up or is only one of you doing the talking? Are conflicts and misunderstandings dealt with immediately and in a positive manner?
Do You Complement Each Other Spiritually?
(2 Corinthians 6:14)
Friends and even relatives can have very similar likes and dislikes. But such similarities do not always pertain to how they view the Eternal. Married couples must be spiritually compatible lest they become drawn apart by conflicting spiritual views.
How does your partner affect your personal relationship with God? Do you encourage one another to love Jesus more than you did before? Are your spiritual beliefs and ways of worship the same or are there distinct differences? Does your partner inspire you to become a better person? Do you regularly pray together?
Are Your Beliefs About Money the Same?
(1 Timothy 6:6-10, 17)
Though money should never be the be-all and end-all, it is still an important part of human life and it may be used to bless the family and those around us. This is why money matters ought to be clear before this life of shared togetherness begins.
Are your ideas of about the importance of money the same? Do you have similar financial principles and practices (e.g. tithing, saving, investments)? Who is expected to earn and who is expected to manage the funds? Is it ok to have personal accounts? Can you afford married life with or without kids?
Do Those Closest to You Agree With Your Decision?
It is true that love is a personal choice. No one can force you to love another. But it is also true that love can be blind. When we are experiencing happy moments together, it is possible that we turn a blind eye to habits and actions that would normally alarm us.
Do your friends and family affirm this commitment? Is there anyone who believes that you or your beloved are not yet ready for that next step? Is there someone (other than your ex-flame) who thinks that the two of you are not compatible? What are their reasons for saying so?
Are You Both Emotionally Ready for Marriage?
Society today likes to designate milestones for people so sometimes people rush into things to avoid being labeled as “behind” or “unsuccessful”. Emotional maturity, however, is not the same for everybody. It cannot be rushed.
Are you both able to take responsibility for yourselves or is there a sense of dependency? Can you both handle your emotions in a healthy way? Do you trust one another? What addictions are present in your current relationship? Are you seeking help with such addictions? What makes you believe you are both ready for marriage?
Be Better Prepared for that Next Step Through Christian Counseling
Contrary to the world’s current beliefs, marriage is not something that should be taken lightly. There are many dire consequences that may occur when people jump into it without proper thought and guidance.
If you and your partner are seeking honest answers to the abovementioned questions, then Christian counseling can help. A professional Christian counselor can help you decide whether you are both ready or if there are some spiritual and emotional steps to take before committing for a lifetime.
“I do,” courtesy of Jeremy Bishop, unsplash.com, CC0 Public Domain License; “Twirl Me,” courtesy of Clarisse Meyer, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Studying together,” courtesy of Ben White, unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Stand by Me,” courtesy of Alysa Bajenaru, unsplash.com, Public Domain License