People in a sexless marriage often think their marriages are doomed. Even if your sex life has gone cold, it doesn’t mean your marriage is heading downhill. Sex plays a major role in marriage, but fulfillment in marriage can occur even on days it doesn’t happen. Usually, these seasons in marriage are only temporary.

Myths about Sexless Marriage

Here are four myths worth debunking when it comes to sexless marriage.

Myth 1: One spouse is cheating

There are many factors that can contribute to a sexless marriage. Sexual trauma could cause a pause in sexual activity, family stress or sheer exhaustion are all contributing factors to a drop in desire. If one partner isn’t interested in sex, that doesn’t necessarily point to infidelity.

It’s important to look at all the causes that are contributing to a lack of sex in marriage. If the husband is burdened by work stress and the wife is fatigued from chasing after kids all day, the probability of passionate sex in the bedroom plummets. Life is busy and marriages often get placed on the backburner.

Myth 2: Once the romance is gone it can’t be rekindled

After years of sex, it’s normal to view sex as more monotonous than thrilling. If the novelty has worn out sexual boredom can be defeated by introducing a new level of excitement.

This might make one of the partners uncomfortable and want to retreat back toward their comfort zone. Exploring different options to spice things up can fan the flame until it’s blazing again.

Another way to rekindle the romance is to first examine yourself and look for the ways you contribute to the relationship problems. This is an uncomfortable part of getting romance back, but it’s necessary for maturation in a marriage. Sometimes it’s as easy as learning to listen to your spouse again.

If you stopped listening attentively to your spouse, take the time to engage in genuine, deep conversation. Plan a special date night or do something spontaneous to stoke the fire. Hope is not lost forever and romance can be rekindled by giving a little extra care and attention to each other.

Myth 3: Married couples are less likely to have sex

Many people say sex ends once marriage begins, but that isn’t the case. The intense chemical euphoria at the beginning of a relationship can cause younger couples to have more sex.

But it’s the married couples that have more varied sex than single people. Not only that, but married people express a deeper level of commitment toward each other.

Myth 4: You can’t make yourself feel desire

Desiring your partner does not mean just desiring sex, per se. Desire usually begins before sex happens. When desire is lacking in a relationship it’s not usually because chemistry has disappeared.

Usually, there are problems in the relationship that haven’t been resolved and prevent desire from growing. It’s similar to when a friend does something to irritate you and in your mind, you think, “I don’t like you right now.”

These momentary thoughts might push you away from your friend in the short term, but does that mean you’ve lost all capacity to ever like him? No, you only need to figure out what underlying irritations might be keeping those desires from making an appearance again.

It’s not only relationship problems that cause a lack of desire but everyday stressors that disrupt the feelings. You might absolutely adore your spouse, but every other thing that demands your attention chips away at the desire that once was.

Christian Counseling for Sexual Dysfunction

If you, or your spouse, are struggling with desire in your marriage, make an appointment with a professional Christian marriage counselor. God designed sex to be a source of intimacy between spouses.

Discussing any obstacles you are facing will help bring freedom back into your marriage. A Christian counselor is ready to help you rediscover the pleasure of sexual satisfaction within marriage.


“Bridge Walk,” courtesy of mana2014,, CC0 Public Domain License; “Under the Covers,” courtesy of Prinz Peter,, CC0 Public Domain License; “Indie Cuddles”, Courtesy of Toa Heftiba,; CC0 License; “Still in Your Arms,” courtesy of Toa Heftiba,, Public Domain


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