Life post-divorce can be a challenging journey, but you are not alone. Whatever may have led to the decision to divorce your spouse was undoubtedly difficult. Likewise, the end of a problematic marriage does not signal the end of your struggles. There will be new challenges to overcome. With the help of therapy for divorce, you can take a journey of healing and hope, knowing that many others have walked this path before you.
Divorce is not easy and is made all the more complicated if you lose a church and community that has been a significant part of your life and marriage. It can bring up deep feelings and awkward situations. Let’s explore some of the things that might arise.
Shame and Guilt
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37, NIV
Shame and guilt are complicated feelings that can sometimes be mistaken for each other. Talking about these feelings with a therapist and determining their validity is essential. If you have done something wrong and harmful to others, it is essential to make amends. Taking responsibility for hurtful actions and choices can help bring healing to all involved.
However, sometimes shame can stem from a feeling that you did something wrong by not meeting an idealized social norm. Judging yourself by the impossible metrics of others’ expectations is an unhealthy emotion. There may be people who judge you harshly for the divorce. However, if they do not take the time to listen to you and show you care and compassion in your suffering, do your best to reject their judgmental attitudes.
Above all, remember that God loves you, so your feelings should not be based on the opinions of others. You can be confident that God forgives all your mistakes, real or perceived.
If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you, there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. – Psalm 130:3-4, NIV
Therapy for Divorce and Loneliness
What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? – Luke 9:24, NIV
Adjusting to your new status of singleness takes time. It may be tempting to seek out another partner immediately. However, many other ways exist to establish connections without rushing into a new relationship. This is a time to focus on self-care and self-love and rediscover your identity outside your marriage.
Take time to learn what brings joy and rest to your life. Cultivate yourself first before pursuing a relationship again.
Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before him – his name is the Lord. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. – Psalm 68:4-6, NIV
So many people come and go over the course of your life. There may be people you have lost touch with over the years of marriage. Now might be an excellent time to rekindle those friendships. If you have children, you can devote time to your relationship with them. You are in a season where there is an opportunity to make new friends with common interests.
Family does not need to fit a specific mold of husband-wife-children. You will find that many other relationships add companionship to your life that do not fit into the traditional familial mold.
Finding a support group of people who have been through similar experiences can also ease feelings of loneliness. Knowing that you are not the only one dealing with the ups and downs of post-divorce life can be a major boost to you.
Therapy for Divorce and Co-parenting
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4, NIV
Co-parenting can be challenging. Putting your children’s needs first and working together to create a positive environment for them is essential. Here are some tips for being a thoughtful co-parent:
Communicate respectfully with your ex-partner
This looks like avoiding personal attacks, staying focused on the issues at hand, and listening to each other’s concerns.
Put your children’s needs first
This means making decisions based on what is best for your children, not what is easiest for you or your ex-partner.
Be flexible and willing to compromise
Things will not always go according to plan, so it is essential to adjust your expectations and work together to find solutions that work for everyone.
Avoid speaking negatively about your ex-partner in front of your children
This can damage your children’s relationship with their other parent and make it challenging to adjust to the new family structure.
Be supportive of your children’s relationship with their other parent
This means encouraging them to spend time with their other parent and respecting their relationship.
Seek professional help if you need it
If you are struggling to co-parent effectively, a therapist or mediator can help you develop healthy communication skills and conflict-resolution strategies.
By following these tips, you can help your children adjust to your family’s changes and create a positive co-parenting relationship.
Children may also benefit from going to therapy after their parents’ divorce. Having a person with whom to process their feelings can minimize their trauma and also take some of the emotional weight off of you and them.
Grief
It is normal to experience feelings of grief after divorce. There is an element of mourning that can be helpful to process the new stage of life you find yourself in. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions when they come up. Suppressing feelings of sadness and anger will not allow you to heal fully.
Find some healthy coping mechanisms for when big feelings arise. These can include journaling, talking to a friend, taking walks, and having a good cry. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally during this season is essential. Plenty of sleep, a healthy diet, and regular exercise can help minimize stress, anxiety, and loneliness.
Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them. – Psalm 126:5-6, NIV
Grief is a process that takes time. Don’t expect to feel better overnight. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to heal. There is hope and joy on the other side of the struggle. You have lost one future, but that does not mean you have lost any kind of future.
As you begin to reimagine your life after divorce, you will go through phases and stages. There will be sadness and loneliness, and there will also be comfort and companionship. You have the freedom to try new things and meet new people.
Prayer as Therapy for Divorce
In this season of life, you can grow in your faith and relationship with God. In prayer, you can bring all your sorrows, hopes, fears, needs, desires, and pain to God. Create a habit of talking to God, who loves you beyond all you can ask or think, who listens to the unspoken words and knows the things you cannot even bring yourself to admit.
The book of Psalms is a wonderful place to find comfort and encouragement. Many people throughout history say that reading the Psalms can provide solace to much heartache. When your faith is the bedrock of your life, you can be sure of the continued presence and work of God.
Seeking Professional Divorce Counseling
If you’re struggling to cope with your grief, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Contact our offices and we will set up an appointment with a counselor from our practice who is experienced in these matters. We are here to help you with therapy after divorce.
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