All of us are touched by loss in one way or another. The Christian apologist, professor, and author C.S. Lewis once wrote, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.” When we love, we become vulnerable to loss and the pain that it brings. Scripture gives us resources to cope with our loss, and it can also provide us with the words and space to grieve what we have lost.
The Ways of Grief in Our Lives
Grief and loss come to us in several ways. Grief is the natural response to losing something or someone important to you. Grief is a form of emotional turmoil and suffering that results from loss, and it is the process you go through to come to terms with the loss. Grief can be deeply distressing and disorienting because you have to figure out what your life looks like without your loved one in it.
Grief has often been described as a process, and it does not follow any strict guidelines. The Swiss American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross produced the well-known understanding of grief as a process that goes through at least five stages. Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Other iterations of this idea are out there, but the main point is that grief is a process that involves complex emotions.
When you’re grieving, you may find yourself feeling any number of emotions, from disbelief at the loss to anger, regret, guilt, relief, sadness, and so much more. A lot of what you go through is connected to the type of relationship you had with your loved one, as well as the circumstances of the loss. You might react differently to a sudden loss compared to an expected one, and a strained versus close relationship might provoke a different response.
There are many different ways grief comes into our lives. For some of us, grief comes in the form of a significant relationship like marriage ending in divorce. Grief also comes from seeing a loved one battling a serious and prolonged illness. It can be from infertility or from having to relocate away from one’s home. Grief can also occur because of the loss of a cherished dream or hope that’s shattered.
Finding and Creating Room to Grieve
We must give ourselves room to grieve when loss occurs. Sometimes, believers will stop themselves or others from grieving because they consider grief and sadness to be a denial of the joy and peace that come from the Lord. According to this way of thinking, grieving isn’t the Christian’s portion. However, this overlooks many passages of Scripture where faithful people grieve, showing us that grief is natural amid loss.
There is a lot that we can learn from Scripture about grief. God is compassionate toward us, and the Bible offers hope and comfort to those struggling with loss of various kinds. What we learn from Scripture can help us find and create room for ourselves to grieve so that we don’t experience the negative consequences of avoiding grief. Not grieving can affect your quality of life, including your emotional and physical health.
Gleanings from Scripture about Grief
Some of what we glean from Scripture about grief includes the following:
Grief is how we should respond to loss
Expressions of grief amid loss are woven throughout many narratives in the Bible. Biblical figures such as David, Jeremiah, Ezra, Peter, and even the Lord Jesus expressed grief when they experienced loss. They grieved the unfaithfulness of God’s people, but they also grieved the death of loved ones.
Jesus wept on account of His friend Lazarus’ death (John 11:35), and David mourned the death of his son Absalom (2 Samuel 18:33). Scripture doesn’t shy away from expressions of grief and sorrow. Many psalms of lament express the fear, sadness, confusion, and desolation of loss. For example, Psalm 22, which Jesus quoted while He was on the cross, starts by saying,
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. – Psalm 22:1-2, NIV
The book of Job is a lengthy lament as one man tries to understand the calamity that has befallen him and his family. Job goes through many different emotions, such as being at peace, and feeling dejected, as well as being angry with God and even accusing Him of being unfair (Job 9; 16:9-14). God is big enough to handle the full range of our human emotions; we can grieve, and we have biblical examples of how to do it.
We aren’t to weep alone
Grief will often isolate us from other people. We may feel like others don’t understand what we’re going through, or perhaps they’re not experiencing it the same way. In either case, the result is often a deep sense of isolation, even from others mourning the same loss. Scripture would suggest that we can invite God into our struggles, but we can also invite others.
Paul wrote that one way love shows itself in action is for us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15, NIV) The only way for us to mourn with those who mourn is for them to invite us into their grief and allow us to sit with them in it. That might mean you should allow others to know where you are so that they can support you and mourn with you.
There is hope
For the believer, it’s important to live in hope. We live in hope because death doesn’t have the last word. There seems to be a finality in death, but the Christian hope is that there is a bodily resurrection (1 Corinthians 15), and death will be defeated. This means that while we weep in the here and now about all that we have lost, it will not be truly lost.
The apostle John wrote these words: “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’” (Revelation 21:3-4, NIV)
The current way of things, where loss and death are an ever-present reality, isn’t going to be how things are forever. God Himself will wipe away His people’s tears when He sets this world to right.
This is why Paul says that if another believer dies, those who remain should not be uninformed and they should, “not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, NIV). There is hope of life beyond the veil of death. This hope sustains us here and now.
The believer also trusts that God, who is the judge of all the earth, will do what is right (Genesis 18:25). This means that the believer can entrust their loved ones, including those who perhaps didn’t know the Lord, into His hands, because He will do what is right.
Getting Help in Grief
Grief is a process that takes time and doesn’t resolve itself easily. It takes patience to work through the many emotions that loss brings, but the key is to be open to working through what you’re experiencing. Closing yourself off from your grief will only complicate matters by increasing your risk of depression, anxiety, and other physical ailments. Taking the lead from Scripture, give yourself room to grieve whatever you’ve lost.
You don’t have to walk through grief by yourself. Lean on your loved ones or your support network. You can also lean on the expertise of a grief counselor. A counselor can help you explore your grief, come to terms with the loss, and find healthy ways to cope. Through grief support groups and grief counseling, you can find your sense of purpose again, and the strength to carry on despite loss.
If you are ready to start that journey, contact our offices today. We have a host of qualified counselors eager to walk with you through the muddy waters of grief. They can help you find your way and support you as you grieve.
Photo:
“Park Bench”, Courtesy of Ann, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
