Common Teen Issues and What’s Behind Them

Every parent was once a teen themselves, but it can feel like the teen issues of today were vastly different from the ones people faced a few decades ago. The truth is that teens of any generation occasionally act out by exhibiting behaviors such as mood swings, defiant or rebellious actions, procrastination, and questionable decisions.

These issues might be a part of a neurodiverse disorder, or some other issue, but your teens are likely acting this way simply because their brains are still in development. Understanding what is behind these behaviors and adapting your parenting accordingly could make all the difference to your connection with them. If nothing else, observing their behavior from a different perspective will remind you that you once faced the same issues with your parents.

Are teen issues really the issue?

It’s easy to forget just how complicated and intense it is to be a teen. Important hemispheres of their brains are in rapid development. Additionally, they are discovering new things each day, to an overwhelming extent, and many are facing pressures from school, home, peers, and the world around them via social media. Much of this journey takes place deep within them and in moments of solitude, only surfacing in their moods, behaviors, and responses at home.

From a parent’s perspective, a sweet and uncomplicated child gradually becomes an ill-tempered, brooding, and defiant individual obsessed with incomprehensible things. The generational gap between parent and child is the space in which your teen is developing, and it’s not unusual for them to try to create even more space to do so.

A lot of your response to teen issues is not their problem; it is yours. The way to connect with your teens is not in trying to fix their issues, but in trying to understand them.

Common Teen Issues and What’s Behind Them

There is a time to set and uphold boundaries with your teens, and to bring discipline as a learning tool. But if you are trying to connect with them and understand teen issues, your first step should be to try to understand what is behind their behavior.

Teens need your involvement, guidance, and advice. First, however, they need to know that you are trying to understand them because you care for them. Remember that they are also trying to understand themselves, and so the burden of understanding teen behavior lies on you as their parent.

When you begin to realize what is happening beneath the surface, you can act and respond more appropriately. Likewise, even when teens act out on purpose to evoke a response from you, they are trying to communicate something with their actions. Here are some common issues that parents have with teens, what is behind the behavior, and what an appropriate response should be as a parent.

Their Messiness and Apparent Laziness

People begin developing a concern for their personal space and comfort between the ages of 11 and 17. Also during this time, their brain is developing executive function, which will continue to develop until the age of 25 or even 30 in some cases.

For this reason, living with a teen often means living in chaos and having to nag them until they do their chores and respect communal living spaces. The things that seem so simple and respectful to you are complicated for them. This causes friction and heightened emotions for all.

Executive function is the ability that adults have to organize their lives to focus on productive tasks. Teens can’t do this because the hemisphere of their brain that controls it is not yet developed. Rather than punishing them for not doing chores or being messy, you can help them by breaking tasks down and doing some chores alongside them. Build routines with them, keeping in mind that their perceived laziness is often natural exhaustion from everything they face.

Their Attitudes and Mood Swings

You can’t talk about teen issues without mentioning how sassy, sarcastic, and dramatic they can be. Communicating with them often comes with a lot of backtalk, disrespect, and defiance. In a literal sense, they are growing in front of you. Their identity and values are forming, and their emotions are sometimes wildly dysregulated, making for a volatile combination of hormones and identity formation.

It’s good to enforce ground rules for communication, because they must learn to disagree with people without disrespecting them. They need guidance in the way they express themselves and need help regulating their emotions.

As the parent and adult, you must remain calm and communicate as matter-of-factly as possible. There are somatic exercises that will help calm them down when their emotions are raging out of control. Doing these exercises with your teens will connect the two of you in the moment, while giving them a tool for handling adulthood on their own one day.

Their Poor Concentration and Tendency To “Zone Out” When You’re Talking to Them

One of the most common teen issues presents as blank stares and forgetfulness, but it is cognitive overload. For as long as they’re awake and interacting with the world, their brains are being filled with information from every direction. You might expect a lot from them, and they might demand to be seen as an adult, but they are still limited in how much information they can absorb and process.

Demanding their attention will likely cause an emotional reaction, which will further complicate things. If they are emotionally dysregulated, wait until they are calmer to talk to them. When you do, communicate in short sentences, and wait for them to process what you are saying. Try not to go on and on about things, choosing instead to keep things clear and simple.

Their Poor Decision-Making and Impulsivity

Just like the other various parts of their brain, a teen’s impulse control and risk assessment are still in development. The zones of their brain responsible for reward and pleasure are more fully established, though. This means that they get big rewards and satisfaction in their brains from doing questionable, impulsive things, without being able to fully comprehend the consequences of their actions. They are like a car with a turbo engine and no brakes.

Lecturing them will not help them make better decisions. Help them by talking through scenarios with as little judgment as possible. Try to give them opportunities to make choices at home, even if it is low-stakes options like picking something for dinner.

If they are indecisive, try presenting them with two options so they can learn to say no to one of them. Saying no is like applying an emergency brake, and the more comfortable they become doing this, the easier it will be in situations when they need it most.

Their Argumentativeness and Defiance

This is the area that affects families the most. It’s a shock when your once mild-mannered baby is now defiant, rebellious, and argumentative. We develop critical thinking skills during our tween to late teen years, during which time we learn to question, oppose, argue, and evaluate just about everything.

Some teens are more placid than others, but all teens are developing their worldview and determining their values and identity. This can be an explosive chapter, especially when combined with all the other teen issues.

This is one area where punishment will have no effect or a negative effect. Give space to them to share their point of view and listen to what they are saying. Reflect to them what they have said, so they can be assured that they were heard and understood, or correct you.

Share your perspective, not to make them agree with you, but so that they can understand. Parenting teens is often a case of trial and error, and you won’t always get things right. The best you can do is listen, support, and try your best to understand.

Support for Parenting Teens

Parenting can often be a lonely and emotionally exhausting experience. If you would like to share some personal burdens or just get some extra support, we can help. Contact the office for more information on meeting with a counselor.