Advice for Online Dating: Dos and Don’ts to Consider

With the rise in popularity of online dating, we have more opportunities now than ever before to meet someone special. It might not be for everyone. Stigma has been attached to it, but online dating and dating apps can be a legitimate way to find someone special. Whether you are new to the experience of virtual romance or struggling to progress with it, there are a few things to consider that might make the experience fresher and safer for you.

Addressing the Stigma

Meeting a dating partner online might not be everyone’s idea of romance, but that does not mean it is wrong or improper. Living through a pandemic proved that the internet can be a useful tool for staying in touch with loved ones and friends. San Diego Christian Counseling also recognizes the importance of maintaining meaningful connections, whether online or in person.

Had it not been for technology and applications to connect people, some people’s mental health would have seriously declined. Chat apps and social media shouldn’t replace real-life relationships, but they sometimes serve as life-saving tools.

One of the major benefits of online dating is that it allows you to connect with people outside of your immediate circle, location, and even culture. This is useful for people who feel stuck, say in a small town, but it is also an opportunity for those interested in the broader world around them.

There have been stories of people meeting on dating apps who have traveled continents to meet up. Geographical limitations have less impact on the adventurous soul wanting to meet someone new!

Additionally, some people have crippling conditions like social anxiety, agoraphobia, or physical limitations and disabilities that keep them from venturing too far from home. If they were to never use a dating app for fear of what others would think of them, they wouldn’t get much opportunity to face their limitations and grow beyond them, especially in the world of romance and dating.

Online dating should not be seen as a last resort or something only desperate singles would do. It’s an imperfect way of meeting someone (as we will explore), but if it is the avenue that works for you, don’t let anyone else’s qualms about it stop you. With the right combination of caution and confidence, you might be one click or one video call away from meeting that special someone.

Starting Out

There are as many dating apps as there are social media platforms these days. It’s important to pick the one that works for you, but ultimately each one can deliver meaningful experiences. Remember: just because the app advertises itself as a Christian dating app, which does not mean it doesn’t have predators on it.

It pays to be wise and adventurous with online dating. Some apps enable you to only talk to people in your immediate location, with the opportunity to connect with people from further away if you subscribe or pay a once-off fee. Some apps have strict policies on abusive language and sexual conversation, while others are more lenient and therefore potentially less desirable to use.

After investigating the various applications and their policies, decide on the right one for you and set up a profile. Everyone is tempted to present themselves in a certain way on social media, whether it’s filtered, flattering photos, or exaggerated information about themselves. Remember that, on dating apps, the profile is the billboard with which we advertise ourselves, and people will make the choice to connect with us or not based on the profile alone.

It’s best to be as honest as you can about your details, without going into too much depth. Remember, if people are interested, they can ask for more information in private messages (and that is the point). A clear, recent photo of yourself, with a few lines about your interests, values, beliefs, or preferences should be enough to get people interested.

Private Messages

Your profile is a small public display of who you are, but all the potential connections you make will take place in private messaging. This is where things have the potential to go awry, but it is also where you begin meeting people who spark your interest.

Unfortunately, some people might begin private conversations by sending unsolicited sexual pictures. It’s a good idea to block those who do and report their accounts if there is an option to do so. Bad experiences can prevent you from having good ones.

Meeting someone new is always awkward, and it might be awkward to meet them for the first time online as well. Some people prefer being able to read body language and make eye contact but there might be less pressure to begin conversations with people online. When you start matching and chatting with potential partners, the adventure has truly begun.

Online Dating Do’s

How much or how little you tell them about yourself is entirely up to you. It’s a good idea, to be honest, but not to go too deep. If things seem to be going well and you are clicking, the goal is to meet up in real life at some point. You can tell them more information face-to-face.

If things are going well with someone you matched with, it’s a good idea to do a bit of private investigating. Don’t be afraid to search their names on other sites like LinkedIn or search engines to corroborate the things they have said. The average person has at least some web presence, whether they are aware of it or not. It might feel invasive or awkward, but it’s also a good way to know for sure that they are who they say they are.

To that end, it is important to set up a phone or video call with them in the early stages. Not only will it help move the connection forward naturally, but it will help you settle in your mind that neither of you is hiding or being deceptive. It doesn’t have to be a long phone call or video call, but it’s best to do it early on and before you’ve made plans to meet in person, if only for safety reasons.

Online Dating Don’ts

There are a few red flags to watch out for with online dating. The first one is if they have little to no web presence at all. If you have typed their name into a search engine and found no results that match their information, that could be concerning. You could follow up and ask them about this, and there might be an explanation, but proceed with caution if this happens.

If they have an elaborate story that results in canceled plans, or asking you for money, be wary and never send any money. Similarly, if they make excuses to avoid making voice or video calls, count that as a major red flag.

With the option of so many different devices and apps to call or video chat from, there is no acceptable reason for you not to see their face or hear their voice. Do not give personal information like home or work addresses to people you have recently started talking with. Also, think about taking a friend with you for the first face-to-face date.

Support for Dating Readiness

There is no shame in using dating apps to meet someone. It might require that you balance being adventurous and open-minded with being cautious and investigative, but those are good attitudes to have regardless. Online dating should lead to an in-person meeting when possible.

Relationships can be hard work, from finding someone to maintaining a healthy relationship. We all have areas to grow, fears to face, and weaknesses to work on. If you are struggling to navigate any aspect of relationships and dating, and you need someone to talk to, consider counseling at San Diego Christian Counseling in California. Your therapist in San Diego can help you unpack your baggage, navigate relationships, and build healthy patterns for a flourishing life together.

If this sounds like you, please feel free to contact our office at San Diego Christian Counseling today. We will set you up with an appointment with one of the counselors in our directory. They will create a warm, confidential environment for you to unpack your burdens.