Remembering Who You Are: How to Deal with an Identity Crisis

The term “identity crisis” is often used to describe certain seasons or periods in a person’s life when questions about who they are have a keen urgency about them. Going through an identity crisis is never easy, but it can result in a renewed sense of purpose and clarity about what matters most in life.

What is an Identity Crisis?

An identity crisis can be described as a season or period of life when you feel a sense of confusion or uncertainty about who you are. Your identity feels insecure, often as a result of significant changes in your life. You begin to reevaluate who you are and what your values are.

The prominent psychologist Erik Erikson developed a theory about identity and identity crises. His theory proposed that the formation of identity was one of the most important conflicts that people face. One’s sense of identity develops in important ways during the teenage years, but adolescence isn’t the only time that a person’s identity is in the process of formation.

An identity crisis, according to Erikson, is a stage of psychological and social development that adolescents go through as they discover themselves. It is a time when a person intensively explores and tries to make sense of themselves. The term “identity crisis” has been somewhat unanchored from Erikson’s original meaning. Now, it typically means a sense of confusion about identity at any point in life, often triggered by significant life events.

When a person is undergoing a crisis of identity, they may wrestle with questions such as what their spiritual beliefs and values are, what are they passionate about, who are they, and what their purpose or role in life is. An identity crisis can occur at any time in a person’s life, particularly when they experience a life transition or notable change in their role or situation.

The Causes of Identity Crises

There’s a scene in the classic Disney film The Lion King in which the main character, Simba, comes to a powerful realization. He’d been exiled from his home after being falsely accused of his father’s death. He’d created a whole new identity for himself while away from his family. However, this new identity is questioned when an old friend from home finds him, and Simba’s past catches up with him.

An identity crisis happens at a time when some change makes you re-evaluate who you are, or who you thought you were. While the example from The Lion King seems trite, it points to a truth that affects many people, which is that loss and not dealing with that loss appropriately can have negative consequences down the line. It also reminds us that when we find ourselves in significantly different situations or roles, it can also cause an identity crisis.

There is no one reason or cause behind why people experience an identity crisis. People root their identity in various things, and because of this, different changes or significant life changes can trigger that crisis. These changes can be positive or negative, but they signal a new revelation has taken place about who one is or wants to be. Some of the reasons why people experience an identity crisis include:

• Ending a marriage or a long-term partnership.
• Having a child.
• A major health diagnosis.
• The death of a loved one.
• Moving.
• Starting a new relationship.
• Losing your job, or starting a new job.
• Going through a traumatic event such as experiencing assault or an accident.
• Retirement.
• Experiencing mental health issues.

How an Identity Crisis Affects You

Knowing who you are helps you to do life with a sense of purpose. When you know who you are, that aids your sense of belonging. It also helps you to know how best to structure your life. When you know who you are and what you want, you can make choices to support your goals and stick with what works for you. That means that your identity helps to shape what you spend your time and energy on.

When a person has an identity crisis, that can affect them in several ways. They may lose their sense of connection to a particular community, question their value or worth, or have low self-esteem. Likewise, they may lose their sense of purpose and connection to their values. They may feel aimless, lost, insecure, anxious, depressed, or have difficulty regulating their emotions.

Losing yourself and your sense of self can lead to many negative impacts on your well-being.

Overcoming an Identity Crisis

Going through an identity crisis isn’t an easy experience. This hardship can be compounded by an unhealthy response to the situation. There are ways to cope with an identity crisis that can help you promote your well-being as you find your way back. Some of the coping mechanisms you can make use of include:

Ground yourself in what matters

Sometimes you need to go back to the beginning and revisit your core values as well as what matters most to you. This process might include looking back at what mattered to you and taking steps to begin crafting a new set of values that feel more authentic to who you are. This is a conversation you can have with a loved one or with a professional counselor.

Slow down

Going through an identity crisis can be bewildering. It can be tempting to simply go with the flow, jumping from one option or decision to the next. Take time to slow down and feel what you’re feeling. Don’t try to numb what you’re feeling or keep moving to avoid your thoughts. Give yourself time to think about what you’re going through and face it head-on. You can use journaling as a way to process things.

Take self-care seriously

Whoever you are in this moment, accept yourself and take care of yourself. Do the kinds of things that bring you joy. Get some exercise. Take time off from work to give your body and mind room to recuperate. Self-care also includes setting and maintaining boundaries. It is helpful to avoid having too many demands on you at this time. Avoid using destructive behaviors such as drugs, alcohol, or risky behavior, to cope.

Stay positive

An identity crisis doesn’t mean your life is over. It could be a new lease on life, or an opportunity to allow you to reinvent yourself and follow your dreams. The end of one thing could be the beginning of a new adventure. Remaining open to those possibilities can make an enormous difference.

Find help

Going through an identity crisis isn’t something that you should do alone. You can enlist the help of a Christian life coach as you figure out what’s happening and where to next. A coach can help you process what going on, and they can walk with you as you create a roadmap for where you intend to go next.

You can also talk with a professional counselor or therapist about what you’re going through. Talk therapy (also known as psychotherapy) allows you to be vulnerable and talk about what you’re going through. Your counselor provides you with room to share openly about what is troubling you, and they will process it with you. They can help you reformulate your values, identify your gifts, and rebuild your sense of self.

Your counselor will also help you address unproductive or harmful thought patterns and behavior that may be undermining your sense of self. These may need to be challenged and replaced with healthier and more truthful ones. If you’re walking through grief, your counselor will help you process your loss and provide you with tools for coping.

Finding Support

If you’re wrestling with a loss of identity, reach out to us today at San Diego Christian Counseling in California. We can make an appointment with a professional counselor or coach in San Diego who can journey with you toward hope and renewed confidence in who you are.